I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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