You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
