Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
