Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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