I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
