My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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