so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
