I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
