Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
