You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
