I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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