If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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