can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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