chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
