i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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