maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
