Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
