I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
