Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My feet surprised me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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