we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
