Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
