I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
