My first STD was from a foam party
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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