I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
