You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
