Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
