You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
