the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
