I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
