Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
