biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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