the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
