Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
