Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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