are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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