if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
