WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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