I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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