Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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