I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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