You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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