Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
