guys are not supposed to queef...right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
