thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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