I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
