sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
