I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
