Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
