Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
