Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
