I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
